Holding up my Lantern

It is a beautiful day in Phoenix. It was a cool night and I walked with Patrick and Winston early this morning. The cool air was refreshing and because I am old enough now to be considered eccentric, I walked in my PJ pants which have pockets and hearts on them and an Alabama hoodie. Patrick and I have a running joke about pockets…and the pure joy of pajama pants that have them! Probably, wearing the ‘Bama hoodie would qualify me to wear PJ pants even if I were not eccentric.

We had coffee and checked the news before we walked and it is strange to read what a mess the big world is, when my little world is very calm.  It was quiet, except for roofers working and a barking dog inside a house who must have smelled Winston going by. 

I continue to struggle to try and stay positive.  I feel like Diogenes, holding a lantern, looking for an honest man.  I know I have many blessings and many reasons to be grateful.  I periodically write in a gratitude journal, but somedays, I just don’t make the effort. 

It is difficult on many days to keep my emotions under control.  Frustrations continue and it seems my “to do” list continues to grow and nothing is getting marked off. 

I am involved on a daily basis with my super elderly parents.  My Dad will be 100 in December and it hurts to know he and my Mother are under “shelter in place” (more like lock down) in an assisted living facility in Georgia.  My oldest Son, Daughter in Law and Children, continue to make the day trip once a week from Gadsden AL for a 45 minute socially distanced, masked meeting and to make sure Granddaddy and Grandma have anything they need or want.  My Mother lives in memory care in the same facility as my Dad and fortunately they still let my Dad visit her.  I am sure it must be very confusing to her as to why her beloved Grandson and family cannot hug her or hold her hand.   

Meanwhile, here in Phoenix, I am trying to arrange yet again to get them moved to a facility closer to family.  I had made arrangements for them to move to Phoenix when COVID hit in March.  Now, I do not see that as a possibility.  I have another option, but the criteria and timing is extremely difficult because of COVID restrictions and the fact I am not there. 

It is extremely difficult to get any answers from anyone on anything.  It seems COVID’s impact has slowed everything to a crawl and some things are just impossible! 

I continue to work on getting my Dad’s VA pension.  I started the process several times previously, but started in earnest last September (2019).  My Dad did not want to pay the $6K-$10K to hire an attorney to help with the process, so I decided to pursue it on my own.  Over a year later, we are still submitting forms and are in the queue for the third time for approval.  During this time, I have had to file supplemental claims on the original to update information.  

I did contact four US Senators (two from Arizona and two from Georgia) and one did respond and has been of some help.  Unfortunately, free help that is available has to be initiated in person by my Dad and he is unable to do so without someone there to take him to the VA or the VFW and work with them in person.  Like everything else, trying to manage their affairs from 1800 miles away with no one being able to go in his apartment to find documentation or have him sign papers makes the process just that much more complex. 

Due to COVID the VA and the Federal Records has slowed to a crawl.  I was notified through the VA that they needed a certified copy of my Dad’s DD214, Army discharge papers.  This has to be ordered from the US Government Records Department.  I ordered this in March and was told it could take up to six months to get it.  I still have not received it.  I was told a couple of weeks ago that the VA had ordered the DD214 as well, but the records department had been closed due to COVID so they could not obtain it either.  They requested that we send any copy that we had for them to review.   

Now the part of this that is ludicrous, is that my Dad has been getting VA Health Benefits for the past thirty years, including Doctor Visits, prescriptions and hearing aids.  I am sure “somewhere in Washington, enshrined in some little folder, is a study in black and white of” my Dad’s DD214.  (I can never resist a quote from “Alice’s Restaurant”) and that the VA cannot get a certified copy either! 

However, with the assistance of Brian and Michelle, we were able to get a copy of the one in Dad’s file in his apartment and I have submitted it for consideration.  I could have submitted it a year ago, but I was told it was not acceptable because it was a copy, but I have recently been told they may be able to accept it.  I am continually honing my skills of hitting a moving target! 

And then there is the current political situation.  I am an Independent and have been most of my life. I do occasionally associate with a political party to vote in a primary, but as soon as the Primary is over, I change back to no party affiliation.  I cannot identify with either party totally.  I struggle with the situation that my family, friends and acquaintances cover all ground from Left to Right.  These are people I love and respect and I know have good hearts.  I considered not voting at all in this contentious election, but promised to do so to people on both sides.  Only one person I voted for (National, State and City) is winning thus far, so I am not sure I accomplished anything.  I can say, I researched, listened to both sides and voted my conscious and with my heart.  It is upsetting for me to see the hate and the untruths from both sides.  It is probably best that I not discuss politics here or in person.  It is awkward and unsettling.  Everything seems so temporary and unresolved.  

This is not where I thought I would be at this point in my life; right now it is frustrating but there is still a lot of good.  My Daddy would tell us when we were kids “if you have a roof over your head, food on the table and a car in the driveway” you have it made.  I have all those things and at 71, I have outlived the three score and ten Bible limit (which my Dad also quotes) so I will continue on with my lantern, looking for honest men…and women. 

Peace and Love, 

Linda