I miss…

This morning I needed to make a quick trip to Home Depot to pick up some tomato stakes for my container garden.

It wasn’t worth “full” makeup, not much now is…but I thought I should at least make an effort not to scare people!  It has become necessary for me to use a lighted magnifying mirror to put on even minimal makeup, because my vision is so poor without my glasses.  When Patrick sees me applying makeup he calls it “doing the Bondo work.”

As I leaned over close to the lighted mirror, eyebrow pencil in hand, it occurred to me that I miss my eyebrows!  It seems that getting older has caused them to be quite thin and what I have are gray, so it is necessary to draw them on with a pencil.  I remember all of the years I pulled them out because they were so thick and out of shape.  Hmmm, I wonder if I had not done that if I would have more left.

As my mind wandered all of a sudden a sadness overtook me, I miss my Mama.  Then my mind continued to race on all of the things I miss.  Some of them silly things and some quite serious.  Some of them I could try to recreate, but most of the time, it is never as good the second (or third or fourth) time.

So I decided to make a list of all the things I miss and in doing so, I can remember all of the good times.

I miss…

Lightening Bugs– In the summer in Georgia they are quite prolific and when you catch them and put them in a jar, they have a very distinctive smell.  They do not exist in the West, but I remember all of the times that we waited for twilight in Georgia to catch them.

Paper Maps–My Daddy has always liked maps.  He and I cleaned out his desk drawers several months ago and there were numerous paper maps and map books.  He agreed to get rid of a large stack but still wanted to keep his map books and a Map of the southwest so he could see where my brother Pat and I lived.  When I was a little girl, I greatly disliked road trips.  I was assigned to the back seat and most trips, before air conditioning, were hot and long.  Daddy would give me a large folded paper map and taught me how to be the navigator.  At the time, there were few interstate highways and most of our trips were on highways going through lots of small towns.  I remember in particular South Georgia headed to Florida on vacation.  I learned to read the small numbers, usually in red or blue and add them up to the next town.  We would check the miles against the odometer and it was a fun game that made the trip go faster.  Later, when I was an adult, Daddy would draw me a map, usually from memory, with great detail as my guide.

Sunday Afternoon Family Visits—In my childhood, Sunday afternoons were usually spent with family.  Visits to Grandmas, Family picnics, Birthday Parties.  As a Mother of two sons, for their Dad and I spending Sunday afternoon with Grandparents was not only a tradition but an expectation.  At the time, it wasn’t always what I wanted to do but in retrospect, it was time well spent.

Produce Man—I don’t like self-service.  Grocery shopping has become such a chore.  Do you remember the Produce Man?  He usually wore an apron and you would pick out your fresh produce and take it to him.  He would put it in a brown paper bag, weigh it and mark the price with a red pencil.  When you were big enough, you Mama would let you take the produce to him to have it bagged and weighed.  It was exciting, you were actually old enough to help.  Young boys worked as baggers and not only would they bag your groceries, they willingly took them out and loaded them in your trunk.  Tip was usually a quarter.  The last three times Patrick and I have gone grocery shopping we have had to bag our own groceries.  When we asked about baggers, we were told with a shrug, there were only a couple working and they had been sent to parking lot to get carts. 

Hands on Doctors—Have you noticed that now when you go to the doctor, they sit in front of a computer and ask questions, type in answers and write prescriptions?  It seems we have evolved to such impersonal health care that doctors do not recognize patients as individuals with different needs.  I went for a physical and the doctor listened to my heart and that was all!  Blood pressure, weight, temperature and heart rate were checked by nurse.  I have Type II Diabetes.  There was a sign in the exam room that said “if you have been diagnosed with Diabetes, you will be asked to remove your shoes and socks for the doctor to check your feet”….hmmm, that didn’t happen, the doctor just looked at the computer and wanted me to take more drugs.

Thank you notes—I realize this is way out of date.  My Mama always wrote thank you notes.  Even when she was in memory care and had lost the ability to write very much, she wanted to send thank you notes for her Christmas gifts.  I helped her and it was a beautiful afternoon.  She reminded me that you should always say Thank you.  People don’t even say “thank you” anymore.  I admit, I am sometimes remiss in writing thank you notes, but my conscience will remind me that Mama would be disappointed in me and I try harder.  My friend, Nancy, always writes beautiful notes and my nieces have sent them as well.  Maybe they are the last holdouts.  To receive a beautiful handwritten note seems so elegant and genteel. 

Working—Yes I miss working.  I wanted to retire and get out of the high stress environment.  I thought I could replace the negatives of a pressure filled full time job with working part time at something I loved.  I am still working on this.  It seems, I could easily find a job, but the responsibilities of life seem to make it impossible to commit to even part time work. 

And most important

Mama—I miss my Mama, every day.  I want to hear her voice, look through an art book with her, watch birds, go to the museum, the fabric store, the antique store or the nursery and buy plants.   I want to walk with her, cook with her, go to Church with her.   We had so many good times and good memories, I will always long to do it “one more time”

Oh…and I still miss my eyebrows!