“Choose Peace” and “Give a Damn”

Yesterday was Mother’s Day.  Of course, there were many memories of my Mama running through my head.  There was a sadness and yet a joy that every day something happens that is a “Jacque” moment.

When I was a little girl, Mother’s Day was always celebrated.  We would go to Sunday School and Church and it was unheard of not to wear a corsage or at least a flower.  It was accepted that you wore a red corsage/flower if your mother was living and a white one if she were dead.   Of course, some people wore orchids, but it was mostly roses or carnations for us.

I remember that my Grandma Dean had rose bushes and I know more than once, we went to her house and clipped roses to wear on Mother’s Day.  (I also remember walking to elementary school by Grandma Dean’s house and she would be sitting on her carport in the swing; I would stop and she would cut a rose to take to my teacher!  I had to become a Grandmother before I understood, getting up and dressed and outside, just to see your grandchild on her way to school.) Later when I was working and married, I would order corsages for Mama.  I have pictures of her dressed for Church with her red corsage.

After Church, we would visit both Grandma’s with gifts and cards.  After Bill and I married, it sometimes took Saturday and Sunday afternoon to visit our mothers and grandmothers on Mother’s Day weekend but it was a tradition…and an expectation. 

Today, I am baking Mama’s pound cake.  I can duplicate the cake very well, but have yet to make the white icing she used.  After she went to Memory Care, we went through her recipes and we were surprised how sparse they were and how many things we remember her cooking and baking that were not written down.  I know years ago when I wanted to make her cornbread dressing, she said “I will come show you” and I wrote it down as she cooked!

She had written her own obituary which we found on her computer and in it she had said one of her greatest joys was baking for her children and grandchildren.  After I moved west, I would frequently make the trip back to Georgia, particularly at Christmas.  When I got there, no matter how late, Mama and Daddy would be up waiting and there would be homemade iced pound cake or sometimes my favorite German Chocolate cake, coffee or milk.  On my infamous trip when I got stuck in a blizzard, Mama had packed sliced iced pound cake slices for the road and Linda Shaw and I ate them on the road when we got stuck!

I have her stand mixer.  Daddy told me to take it home and use it after she no longer was at home.  Every time I use it, I feel like she is looking over my shoulder making sure I do it correctly! 

For the last two years, we have been going through things at Mama and Daddy’s house (at Daddy’s direction) and I have brought a few things home that make my house feel like home and connect me to Mama.  I have her little teapot kitchen clock from the 40’s; my brother, Pat, tells me they had it before I was born.  I have a little jelly/jam condiment set that she remembered even after she forgot who I was!  Of course, I also have many of her paintings and drawings, letters, cards and photos. 

We are still sorting!  I have some costume jewelry pieces that I remember her wearing.  I love vintage costume jewelry and I can remember her wearing many of the pieces I have. 

I found a lot of the costume jewelry separated in little boxes and labelled “sparkly earrings” “bracelets” “for Linda” “Christmas pins” etc.  Among the things I found was a little button pin that said “Give a Damn” and a button pin that said “Choose Peace”

My son, Brian, wanted the “Give a Damn” button and I took the “Choose Peace” and when I think that she kept these two little button pins, I realize, that those are a capsule message of who she was.  She did “give a damn” about her family, her friends and the world.  And she continually told me, even when the Alzheimer’s had taken her memories, that you should always make peace and remember to be kind, no matter what.

As a celebration of Mother’s day and the coming year, I am going to seek ways to “Give a Damn” and “Choose Peace” in memory of my beautiful Mama.  I will remember the Mama before she was so frail and forgetful, before the Alzheimer’s took that Mama away from me.  I will remember when she was the dynamic, opinionated, well read, talented Mama who left me a love of art, music, literature, nature, gardening, sewing, crafts and baking.   And showed me, by example, how to be a Grandmother.

And Mama, if you can see this in heaven, we are all taking care of the Old Vet, just like you asked us too, until he will be with you again.

CHOOSE PEACE and GIVE A DAMN!

Linda