“You gotta take the bad with the good…”

My Daddy’s communication has always been brief and to the point.  When I was younger and was disappointed, mad, frustrated or just disgusted, his reply was “You gotta take the bad with the good”

He had a plethora of sayings that he used frequently.  Some of them serious, some funny and some true!

I am more prone to discuss, cry, agonize, dissect and search endlessly for the perfect resolution.  

The last few years, I have realized that while my Daddy’s answers were not the answers that I wanted, many times they succinctly summarized not only the best way to deal with things but in the end the only way.

Daddy will be 100 years old in December.  He had a stroke, almost a year ago and after rehab moved to Assisted Living.  My Mother moved to Memory Care in the same facility.  They both have done the best they can in the current situation and so have I.

They are eighteen hundred miles away from me, but efforts to move them closer to me always seem to fall apart.  This time, it was COVID.  I was making arrangements to move them to a facility about a mile from my house.  Deposit was paid, paperwork in progress and then COVID hit.

Of course, there was no way I could move them in the middle of a Pandemic, so all plans were put on hold.  Not knowing when or how the current situation will resolve, I have no idea if it will be possible for them to move when the COVID restrictions loosen up.

I have been in “Stay at Home” mode since I returned on March 6, from a visit with my parents.  Patrick and I did rent a cabin in Strawberry for a couple of days in early June, but it was disappointing.  State Park Hiking trails were closed and because of fire danger we could not grill as anticipated.

In the beginning of the pandemic, I was acting as our Purchasing Manager, trying to source things we needed for delivery or pickup. We had a few mistakes, like a grocery delivery we waited on for a week only to get two cans of soup, everything else was out of stock on a $100 order. I also ordered Toilet Paper from Amazon only to find it was a fraudulent vendor, but Amazon was good to refund my money.

We changed to grocery pick up, when slots became more available, and also continued to do some Home Chef meals.  Patrick has always advocated for keeping a good supply of paper products and other essentials, so we have done well in keeping everything supplied.  We are now really good at on line ordering for pick up or delivery and have adapted very well to the new “Un” Normal.

I have been busy during this time and am not sure how I ever had time to go anywhere.

Since last September, I have been working on VA Benefits for my Dad, a WWII vet.  For anyone who hasn’t dealt with the VA, it is quite an experience.  We had tried multiple times to get Daddy to apply and once, my brother, Pat even got him to talk to a VA rep but it just didn’t progress.  I investigated hiring an attorney (which most people do from what I understand) but Daddy would have no part of that.  

So I decided last fall to fill out the papers and give it a try.  I am now on my third iteration of submitting documentation.  There have been delays and faux pas, but I think I have made progress.  Whether he will ever be approved remains an unknown, but I have tried.

I found that you can get “free” help from organizations like the VFW but that requires going to a VFW rep in Georgia…and I am in Phoenix.  And so I press on.  Unfortunately, the VA will only reply to claims by mail and it has to go to the Veteran.  We had a couple of delays when Daddy lost a letter and when he held onto a “packet” of forms for at least a week before he finally gave it to someone to get it to me.

I have a huge packet to submit in the next week or so.  I am waiting on one document that is being mailed to me.  It has now become a challenge to me to see just how long it takes for a definitive “yes” or “no”.

Our home improvement projects continue. We finished painting the kitchen cabinets and added new hardware in March. Patrick worked on the last part of it while I was in Georgia and then we finished up when I got home. It took us several months to complete but it really looks good and brightened up the kitchen.

I bought a desk and set up an office for me in the breakfast room.  Patrick has a desk in the little bedroom with his computer.  We both work in our offices every day.  

I decided to take an on line class in March.  I have now finished a six week class on Relationships and Needs from University of Toronto and a ten week class on “The Science of Well Being”from Yale…so much for self-improvement.  I started my third class this week, studying Fashion as a form of Art and how it influenced History.  This is from the Museum of Modern Art.  Patrick has even signed up for a couple of classes.

I have tried to grow a container Herb Garden but I have to count that one as a failure.  I bought pots, dirt, plants and seeds.  The seeds sprouted but soon died, so I though too much heat, sun, not enough water.  So I bought one of the herb kits that has soil and plants and started them inside.  Same result, seeds sprouted and then one by one died.  I still have one small survivor from the second try and am still watering it.  I have three herb plants that I bought which have survived but two of them are a little rough.  I think I will try again in the fall.  I have always had flowers and sometimes vegetables, but I haven’t been very successful in the desert climate.  I do have some cactus plants and a decorative palm in large pots that grow well.

We have sold our kitchen table and chairs, which was too big for our breakfast room, especially after I added the desk, and I have bought new dishes and a new smaller table.  I have chairs ordered and they should be here next week.  Two of us living in a small space and being confined has shown that we need to make the house more functional.  We have cleaned out a lot…I hate clutter…and will continue to do so.

I spent a week completely off social media.  I do occasionally look at Instagram and Facebook but very limited.  I also have limited News that I read or watch.  I find that focusing on my little world and eliminating a lot of the “noise” from the outside world helps.  I was given a gratitude journal and have had some success in writing in it, but must admit, it is not yet a habit and more of a hit or miss.

Our Garbage disposal went out.  We were cleaning up supper dishes one night and water started running out the cabinet under the sink.  I convinced Patrick we could replace it and he ordered a new one and picked it up.  Wasn’t quite as easy as I had hoped as I had to do the inside the cabinet part because Patrick didn’t fit!  It took a couple of tries and a last minute run to Home Depot for plumbing parts but it is in and working…and we have resolved all the leaks.

With our neighbors next door we built a wall with a view fence between our houses…rather we had it built, we shared the painting chore.  It is something Patrick and I have wanted to do since we moved in.  Our front door is on the side of the house and so is the neighbors and they face each other.  We both wanted some division.  Patrick did most of our part of the design and engaging someone to lay the block.  Our neighbor found the fence guy and had that installed.  We are all very pleased and of course, we think it increases the value of our homes by at least thousands!

I am completing another home improvement project.  I pulled out all of the old rotted expansion joint material around the front door and replaced it.  Still have some sealing to do, but almost complete.

As we approach the five month mark of staying at home, I am reflecting on the victories, the disappointments, the work and the boredom.  I am grateful for my health, my family and my friends.

Patrick and I have done well.  We are both headstrong, loud, control freaks but maybe we are starting to mellow a little or maybe not.

But after all “you have to take the bad with good”. 

I am hoping for all of you that your good far outweighs your bad.  In writing this, I know mine does.

Peace and Love,

Linda