Just another Day in Paradise

I have been “staying at home” since I returned from Georgia on March 6. I have only ventured out for essentials that we could not get delivered and then only a quick trip out and back home. I am fortunate to live in a pleasant house in the Valley of the Sun.

It is now the evening of May 11th. I am still searching for meaning in all of the recent events and am optimistic yet still feel trepidation about the future.

I am taking a six week online course on Relationships, Communications, Needs, Wants and Change. It started as a diversion to keep my mind occupied during this time at home. I did not expect any life altering changes to my life, but as a life long learner, I thought it might enhance understanding.

I have started several “Musings” for my blog in the last few months, but just couldn’t get them to completion. I have had a running dialog with myself, in my head. I have thought about my life and the class has brought back memories and events of my life that have strongly influenced how I feel and function today.

When I was a young adult and still looking for my Fairy Tale, I was told by a person who knew me well that when I was a little girl I imagined how everything in my life should be and anything less or different was unacceptable. Some fifty years later, I think that is absolutely true.

Since I moved out of my parents house in 1967, I have lived in fifteen houses, apartments, townhouses and condos. Some moves were by choice and some because of circumstances, but all of them were part of the search for my Paradise.

Change is inevitable and I have been told by someone who lived in Hawaii, that when you lived in Paradise everyday…it wasn’t paradise anymore.

Some of the times I have moved to another home were a move up to a better place and better circumstances and some were a step back. I have moved a lot, but I still consider myself a nester. Even places that I lived for a short time, I have attempted to build my safe space. Eventually I have realized that in my quest to have my Paradise, that it is not a place but a mindset.

There have been times when where I lived and the other aspects of my life aligned and I felt very close to achieving that world that I imagined as a little girl, but each time something changed and it was gone.

Of course, there were times when I was discouraged, disappointed and had to start over. I have learned that my Paradise has to be flexible and must exist in what I call my inner space, that place in my head where I interpret and frame the events and circumstances of my life.

I struggle, of course, because I am a perfectionist and still believe it is possible to always grow and improve. But the Paradise I seek now is Peace. I want to know that I have used what spiritual, intellectual and material gifts I have been given and that the world is a better place because I am here. I want to be actively grateful. I want to find Paradise in all places and all circumstances.

I want to move past the frustrations, cynicism and sadness and see a Glimpse of Paradise in day to day living. It is hard, maybe impossible but this old girl will again refocus and seek “Just Another Day in Paradise”