Multiplicity

It’s the last day of 2019.

Although I have a large extended family and a circle of friends, I will welcome the New Year alone. This is a result of circumstances as well as choices, both mine and others.

A year ago on this day, I contemplated my goals for 2019.

I wanted to learn to speak Spanish, write a weekly blog post, start a workout program, practice yoga…

I accomplished none of the above.

Why?

I call it the “multiplicity” of me!

Those were goals of the inside me. That idealistic, motivated LINDA that lives in my head. That is the Linda that sees no obstacles and methodically works toward goals marking them off as accomplished.

The year was overtaken by the other Linda’s.

A lot of 2019 was spent as Linda, the daughter. My elderly parents had a rough year with lots of changes for them. I spent over three months of 2019 in Georgia, a lot of it in crisis mode. I am in Georgia now and spent the afternoon with Mama and Daddy. It was a nice visit.

Mama was talkative today and she smiled. I didn’t understand all of what she said, but she seemed to enjoy the interaction. When I left, I took her in for dinner and she tried to introduce me to the ladies at her table. She said “this is my daughter”, WOW, just for that moment she knew who I was.

Daddy wanted to be sure I was bringing his Alabama shirt so he could wear it to watch the game. I will watch with them tomorrow.

Maybe it is appropriate that I should begin the New Year in Georgia.

I enjoyed being Grandma during 2019. I got to spend time with my oldest Granddaughter during one of my crisis management trips to Georgia. She came over and helped me for a few days. What a joy to have an adult Granddaughter (actually I have two adult granddaughters, and two that will be adults soon). I have seen my other Granddaughters for a few hours here and there. Even though I don’t see them often, they are always in my heart.

I have become a soccer fan, thanks to my two oldest Grandsons. I enjoy watching them play and have now learned more about the game. They brought me an official soccer jersey from Barcelona. I even watch the occasional soccer game on TV.

We did an escape room with my older Grandsons and their Mom and Dad. We didn’t escape but we did work together well and had fun.

I spend a lot of time with my youngest grandson who is three. We like to read books together, play cars, build houses and garages with different types of building sets and play with playdoh. One of our favorite things to do is to make Playdoh planets. His favorite planet is Jupiter, because he likes to use a lot of Playdoh to make it very big!

He promises me that one day he will be an astronaut and go in a rocket ship to the moon and he will take me with him. We talk continuously when we are together and his imagination is contagious.

Linda, the wife, took a Caribbean cruise with my sweet Patrick, a first for both of us. And thanks to my generous children, we saw The Rolling Stones last summer.

We started learning new recipes and enjoy cooking together and even took a Sushi Making class on the ship.

We took a 4000+ mile road trip from Phoenix to Acworth in my old Jeep with Winston the dog. We discovered we are more resilient than we thought and that we can be in a car together for three days straight and actually enjoy it (for the most part!) LOL

There have been challenges, disappointments and sad things. There has also been fun, joy and laughter.

Things seem overwhelming at times. But each day, I will endeavor to seek peace and practice kindness.

In a few hours the new year and new decade will be upon us. I will not make New Year’s Resolutions. I will be open to what comes and live in the present.

One of my favorite New Year’s Eve Memories – I was about eight, so my brother Pat would have been about 13. We were at home. Pat had one firecracker and I had a paper whistle. Daddy said he wasn’t going to stay up for me to blow a paper whistle and for Pat to light one firecracker and Daddy went to bed. Mama was more whimsical, and she sat up with us watching the clock and promptly at midnight we lit the firecracker and blew the whistle. Then we went to bed. It is a fun, silly memory.

There are other New Year’s Eve memories…parties with the Parish clan, sparklers, once Mama made party hats out of crepe paper for everyone, adults and kids.

As midnight approaches, I am reminiscing about things that were and things that were not and how different from what I expect each year becomes.

The words of one of my favorite songs runs through my head.

It talks about how “the human spirit’s struggle against inherent frailties and external pressures often results in futility. That’s all right though, because, it’s the effort that counts.”

“Like a Bird on a Wire

Like a drunk in a midnight choir

I have tried in my way to be free”

May you all find a Peace in the New Year!